Spike tugged up his pants and looked down at his one time love. "Drusilla, you are a dirty whore. I'm leaving to find a woman worthy of my extreme manliness."
"But Spike," Drusilla started as she crossed her arms over her naked breasts. "We've been lovers for nearly two centuries. You can't leave me."
"Yes, I can, pet. See, no one wants me with you. They all want me with mortal girls who probably can in no way fulfill my sexual desires like you can. And while, yes, you are a good lay, they say I must call you a dirty skanky ho and move on."
"Who are they?"
Spike shrugged. "Don't know."
So Spike left Drusilla and set out about finding a worthy woman. First, he stopped at the graveyard and had sex with the Slayer. He pressed Buffy up against the wall and had his demon way with her. Not that she minded. You see, her lover was a sissy boy named Angel who didn't like to have sex because he was afraid of going soft before Buffy orgasmed.
So, after finishing his business with the Slayer, Spike stood up. "See you around," he said as Buffy put her clothes back on.
"What do you mean, 'see you around'?" she asked, doing that I'm a dumb blonde thing even though I kicked ass on my SATs (proving that even kids who don't attend classes and don't work hard in school can succeed in America today). "Aren't you going to turn good and marry me?"
Spike's finely structured face scrunched up in confusion. "Huh?"
"Well, see, the last time I did that, I fucked Angel soulless, so I was thinking I fucked you soulfull."
"Um, no, luv, I'm still as bad as I wanna be." Spike turned to leave.
"Fine, leave! See if I care!"
And so, Spike did. Spike continued down the road and stopped at the Bronze. He entered the teen hangout and made his way to the dance floor where Cordelia was doing a sexy dance with nearly everyone. Taking her by the hand, Spike lead her back stage.
"Okay, now, I know they don't really dig us together for some reason, I'm going to now bed down with you."
"Um, what?" was Cordelia's reply as she pulled out her mirror to check her makeup.
"Well, see, no one writes about us shagging, so I figure we should at least show them that we'd be hot together. I mean, my Satan! Look at us!"
"What are you saying again?"
"I want to have sex with you. You might be the woman worthy of my godly manliness."
"Yeah, okay, whatever," Cordelia responded as she hiked up her skirt and pulled down her panties. "But make it quick, I've got a packed club full of guys who aren't Xander to flirt with."
So Spike had his way with Cordelia then, realizing that she was not the worthy woman, left her to go to the residence of Willow Rosenberg.
Spike opened the French doors to willow's first floor bed room. Forgetting that Joss instituted that 'can't enter without invitation' rule, Spike threw his voice (before he was turned, he was a successful ventriloquist), and invited himself in.
He found Willow laying on her bed, loving herself ('cause we all know that beyond that 'good girl' facade is a masturbation addict). "Hello, Willow," he said. "They all love us together, so I'm thinking that you're the woman worthy of me. Let's give it a go, shall we."
Willow, being, um...Willow said okay and rolled over and let Spike do his funky mating ritual with her.
Then Spike realized that she wasn't worthy, so he went to Joyce and found that she wasn't worthy. Then left with no one else he went to the last person he could think of and found, after having the best orgasm of his super long life, that this person was the one.
"You are the worthy woman, ducks. You are the one that can handle my supreme manliness."
Upon hearing it, Xander squealed with girlie joy.
The end, thank god.