I was walking down Main Street like I did every day on my missions to the donut or pizza shop, when I happened to look in the window of that little dress shop, April Fools. And who should I happen to see? Cordelia.
At first, I kept on going, then I back tracked a bit and just looked at her for a moment. Once again, she was looking at that long, sparkly dress. The one she'd look really hot in. I had once hoped that the two of us would be attending our Senior prom together, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Deciding that I could not just go about my pizza getting activities, I entered the store, preparing myself for another fun round of Bitter Bitch Girl verses The Boy Who Couldn't Let Her Go. I walked up behind her as she held the dress up to her body and stared at it in the mirror. "Okay, how long does it take you to buy a damn dress?"
"Xander!" Cordelia turned around and moved away from me. "I, uh, I'm considering things a little more carefully nowadays. I don't want to get stuck with another dud," she said, giving me a pointed look.
I looked down at the dress. It really was pretty, but I couldn't let her know that I think she'd look drop dead gorgeous in it. "Well, this should work for ya. It positively screams 'Nympho'."
Before Cordelia could respond, a blonde salesgirl came up to us. "Is this a customer of a friend?"
Customer? No, I could never afford anything from here. Friend? Of Cordelia's? I think not. "Neither, I just came by for my daily helping of bile."
The salesgirl spoke again, this time directly to Cordelia. "So, you'd better get back to work and quit goofing. Mrs. Finkle *so* has it in for you."
Wait. Did she 'get back to work' to Cordelia? I looked at the girl a little confused. Cordelia Chase? Working? I just don't believe it.
When I girl walked away, I looked at Cordelia disbelieving. "You work here?"
She huffed then swept by me, moving to hang up the dress. "Yes, I work here."
"But, um, why?"
"I'm trying to buy a dress," she stated simply.
Why would she need to *try* to buy a dress? Couldn't she just, you know, snap her fingers, make one appear and charge it to her daddy's account? "But don't you already have all the dresses?"
"I have nothing, okay?" she said, exasperated. I really just could not believe what she was saying. I mean, for her to be poor, well, that just goes against the laws of the universe or something. Cordelia was not a poor girl. She was a Country Club girl. "No dresses, no cel phone, no car. Everything has been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes...for the last twelve years."
Oh, shit. She wasn't kidding. She was poor. Her family was poor. Probably even more poor than mine. "Satisfied?" she asked before I could say anything. "Are you a happy Xander now? I'm broke." I was still stunned by her confession, but the venom in her voice mentally knocked me back to the fact that she was standing right in front of me, bitter as ever. Only this time, she wasn't bitter about me, she was bitter about the turn her life has taken.
"I can't afford to go to any of the colleges that accepted me and I can't stay home because we no longer have one." She brushed by me, trying to get away.
For a moment, I let it all sink in. Cordelia was broke now and I'm probably the only one she'd told. I had no idea what to say. "Uh, wow."
"Yeah," she said with fake enthusiasm. She turned back to me with an exaggerated smile. "Neato! Now you can run along and tell all your friends about how Cordy finally got hers. How she has to work part time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway." Shocked, more by my miscalculation of her than her anger, I stood there, just absorbing it all.
Suddenly, she turned back to me. "And, how she has to wear a name tag." She put her hand over the left side of her chest then pulled the jacket away, revealing a gold tag with 'Cordelia' written on it. "Oh. I'm a nametag person. Don't leave that out. The story wouldn't have the same punch."
Before any words could come out of my stunned mouth, a big, hairy beastie crashed through the winder. I wondered for a moment why demons never seem to use doors. I shook off the thought and pushed Cordelia away from the approaching monster. It tackled me full on, then shoved me down. At first, I thought I was going to die, then for some reason, the thing jumped off of me and attacked some guy in a tux.
When I had made it to my feet again, the monster had just jumped out the window. The manager of the shore, the blonde salesgirl and a customer were all staring at the guy's remains. Sucks to be him.
Cordelia came over to me and grabbed my elbow gently. Her touch sent jolts of electricity though my body. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah, sure." Her hand left my elbow and stepped back. I looked at her and it almost seemed like old times. Her slight trembling, my rapid heart beat, her wide eyes, my shaky voice. Every time we had faced a creature of the Hellmouth, it had been the same. This time, though, we couldn't hold each other and make the fear subside.
I watched as Cordelia made her way over to her boss. They exchanged words and after a minute, Cordelia walked slowly back to me. "She's closing the shop for a little while. Her brother's in the glass business, she says, so they're going to fix the window. But I get a three hour break. Thank you, evil, icky thing," she mumbled.
I looked up and saw a security camera. "Cor? We need to get that tape."
"What tape?" she asked in typical Cordelia fashion.
I pointed to the camera. "Giles and that other fruity Brit will want to see it."
"His name is Wesley, Xander."
I rolled my eyes. She was standing up for him. She must have really liked him and that annoyed me. "Whatever. We need to go."
"Who says I'm going with you?"
"Look, Cordelia, you're a witness. Giles and Buffy'll need to talk to you."
"Why? You're going to be there and you're a part of their little group."
"You were too," I reminded her.
"I was never a part of the group," she mumbled. It was so low that I could barely hear it.
But I had heard it and instead of remarking on it, I said, "Wesley's going to be there. I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss a chance to flaunt your cleavage at him. Now, let's get the tape and go."
**
We walked several blocks in silence. I held the tape firmly in my hand as she walked beside and a little behind me with her arms wrapped around her waist. I finally got tired of the silence and spoke. "Why haven't you told anyone about your father and his money?"
Cordelia shook her head and briefly closed her eyes. "The same reason you don't tell people about your parents being drunks."
One thing about Cordelia, she could always get my emotions going. Anger flooded me as I heard the words fly out of her mouth. It wasn't just because she was saying it. The anger that bubbled up inside of me stemmed from years of knowing that my family life was not normal. It stemmed from years of trying to make it seem like my parents' drinking wasn't a big deal. It stemmed from years of trying to hide the pain it caused me.
"Ah, yes. My drunken parents," I said with nearly a snarl. "Something that you so kindly informed everyone of." I glared at her and for a moment I thought I saw remorse and shame in her face. But then it was gone.
"Whatever. It's like Buffy and Willow didn't already know about it. Xander, hate to break it to you but the entire town knows most of your family's dirty little secrets."
"Shut up." My voice was cold and it frightened me. It sounded like my father's voice when he'd get angry.
"Why, Xander?" Cordelia asked patronizingly. "I thought we were having a break through. I mean, you can't deny how fucked up your family is. You should just embrace it. Besides, you look stupid trying to pretend that there's nothing wrong."
Letting out a heavy breath, I stopped walking and turned to her, grabbing her shoulders roughly. "Does Wesley know what a fucking bitch you are?" She just stood there, looking at me with the same look in her eyes as when that monster had come crashing through the window. "So tell me, Miss Center of Popular Activity, which dirty secrets do town know?"
"Xander, you're hurting me."
Realizing how tight my grip actually was on her shoulders, I released her, but none of my anger had faded. "What does the town know, Cordelia?" I asked again as she put distance between us. "Oh, come on, you were so eager just a moment ago."
She shook her head and I could see her eyes begin to water. "I'm sorry."
"No. I'd really like to know what the town knows about my family and I'd like you to enlighten me."
Still shaking her head, she replied, "Nothing. They don't know anything."
For some reason, the way her voice shook made me calm down. And once I had calmed down, I realized what I dick I was. "Sorry," I mumbled to her. Inwardly, I yelled at myself. I knew what she had been doing and I knew that she didn't mean any of it either. I was being way too sensitive and if I wanted to survive in this world, I'd just have to toughen up. I'd just have to let the things that people said just slide off of me.
Being angry scared me and being angry around another person scared me even more.
I began to walk again and could hear Cordelia's soft footsteps behind me. "Xander," she said quietly. "I'm sorry."
I didn't acknowledge her, I just kept on walking, but I forgave her. Probably even before she said anything, I forgave her. My feelings for her didn't allow me to be angry with her, let alone hate her. Besides, we were too much a like; always hiding and pretending.
**
"You said the creature just stopped?" Giles asked.
"Yeah," I said as I paused the tape. "Right there." I pushed play and stood up. "It's like he just realized he forgot to put money in the meter or something."
"You know the part that really weirded me out," Cordelia spoke up. God, I loved her voice when it's not insulting me. "That thing had good taste. I mean, he chucked Xander and went right for the formal wear."
Oh, great! Thank you Miss Cordelia Chase. Couldn't she go two minutes without berating me in front of my friends? "That's right. He left behind his copy of Monster's Wear Daily." I admit, that was lame, but it was all I could come up with.
"I'm serious. Look at the outfit Xander's wearing. Now look at the kid the monster went after. Very smooth lines...until he was shredded." Leave it to Cordy to be thinking of fashion at a time like this.
As I started to rewind the tape, Buffy got up and moved to the stairs. "I don't want to see it again."
"Buffy," Giles said, going into full Watcher mode. "It's horrible, but if you're going to hunt this creature, you should study it."
"I think I got it," Buffy returned in a dull voice. What was with her, anyway? She's been super mope girl all day. You know something's wrong when a big, scary Hell beast can't excite her.
Willow chimed in, as she often did when Buffy's upset about something and Willow knows but the rest of us don't. I don't like that. I don't like how people know stuff about other people and I don't. Of course, like with my family, maybe some secrets should stay secret.
Before I had realized it, Willow had finished talking and now Wesley was talking. Wesley. Good ole stuffy, British Wesley who has his eyes on my girl. Not that she was my girl anymore, but still. He shouldn't be looking at her. He's old and Cordelia's...not. Besides, I'm the only one that should look at her that way and think about how nice she'd look without any thing on except a strand of pearls and a pair of high heels.
Anyway, Wesley said something about a Hellhound, which Giles confirmed. That was an oddity. "Trained solely to kill, they feed off the brains of their foes." Yummy. I could always count on Giles to say something that turns my stomach.
"Look. Right there. Zoom in on that," Cordelia ordered as she waved her hand in the direction of the TV.
Duh. "It's a videotape," I replied, pointing to the TV.
"So?" Cordelia asks me with an incredulous look on her face. "They do it on television all the time."
"Not with a regular VCR, they don't." Again, duh. God help me, I love her but sometimes I have to wonder if the elevators go all the way to the Penthouse. I think they stop at about the thirtieth floor, that's where her breasts are located. Oh, wait, that's where *my* elevator stops in her building.
Wesley spoke, and I tore my eyes away from Cordelia. "Perhaps we could stay on topic for once." I turned back to look at the television, not wanting to see the way he looked at her. "What were you doing with Xander?" I heard Wesley ask Cordy in a slightly jealous, soft voice.
"What?" Clearly, she hadn't expected him or anyone to ask that and she didn't know how to respond. "Um, I was..."
"Burning a hole in Daddy's wallet as usual. I just bumped into her during my tuxedo hunt," I said convincingly, covering for her. I couldn't help it. She looked distressed, and I just couldn't help but respond. When the words are out of my mouth, she looked at me, shocked that I had lied to protect her family secret. Maybe she won't think I was such a bad guy after all.
I could hope.
"What's that? Pause it?" Oz said, speaking for the first time.
"Guys, it's just a normal VCR, it doesn't..." Duh, Geekboy, there's the pause button. "Oh, it can do pause." I paused the tape and we saw a guy standing out inside of the store a little remote control thingie in his hand. Guys like him were such losers. Don't they have anything better to do than raise Hell Beasts? Being the witty, funny guy my friends all know and, well, sometimes love, I had to say, in a fake British accent, "Hello, Hellhound raiser!"
Later, after everyone had gotten into deep research mode, I went to return a few books to Giles' office and I saw Buffy doing the mopey thing on the stairs. "How's it going over there, Buff?"
She replied, "Okay," not lifting her eyes from the pages of the book she held.
"Well, I just wanted to say that your impersonation of an inanimate object is really coming along."
"Thanks." Fine, she doesn't want to be cheered up, I could live with that. I walked into Giles office and my mind shifted back to Cordelia.
She was broke. She couldn't afford a prom dress and the actual event was tonight. Some times life wasn't fair. Cordelia didn't deserve this. No matter how nasty she was sometimes, she didn't deserve this. First she caught me making out with my best friend, then she nearly died. All of her old friends snubbed her, so she's had to set about making new friends, mainly with underclassmen. And now, she was broke and couldn't afford a silly dress, let alone a college education.
I walked back out of the office and I heard something about how prom is going to be ruined by the doggy from the Hell. I made my usual random, kind of witty comment and Willow started saying how she was going to take back her dress. Then, much to everyone's surprise, Buffy started to talk about how we're all going to have a great prom experience even if she has to kill everyone to make it happen.
Some times, the girl just scares me.
After that, I mainly just stood, not really listening. I was too busy thinking about Cordelia and her lack of a prom dress. I was thinking about how I had actually saved a good deal of money for my ill-planned cross-country road trip that Jack Kerouac helped inspire.
I was started out of my thoughts by Buffy telling Wesley and Cordelia to go to the magick shop. The magick shop was right there on Main, next to the shop where Cordy worked. She'd be going back to work soon, so if I was going to do my selfless act of the day, I'd have to do it soon.
I volunteered to go and I watched as Cordelia and Wesley leave the library.
**
I walked into the shop and was greeted by a not so nice woman. It must've been Cordy's boss. "We're closed." I wondered if she'd be nicer if I was wearing clothes that looked like they came from some place other than the mall.
"Yeah, I know, but I have money and I need to spend it here." I reached into my pocket and removed the money I had just withdrawn at the ATM and showed it to the little woman.
"Yes," she said, her eyebrow raised now that she knew I had money. "What can I help you with?"
"I want to finish paying the balance of Cordelia Chase's dress that she...is paying for in installments." I didn't want to say Cordelia Chase and layaway in the same sentence. That would've been a little too strange and I'm sure the Heavens would have rebelled against it or something.
The woman told me the amount left to pay and I nearly choked. Sighing, I handed over the money. There would be no cross-country adventure for this boy. At least not this summer.
"Would you like to leave your name, Sir?"
"Ahhh..." I had to think about that one. Doing an anonymous thing was something that would help me get a good seat in Heaven, but right then, all I wanted was a good seat next to Cordelia. "Yeah, just write on the receipt that a Mr. I'm as Dumb as I Look paid for it." The woman looked at me like I was insane. "Fine, just put that the initial X."
**
My mission to the magick store had been unsuccessful, so I had gone to back to the library where Willow, Oz and I were told by an insistent and verbally forceful Buffy to go home and get ready for prom.
So, I went home, put on my tux and hopped into Uncle Rory's car to go pick up Anya.
As I stepped up to the door of her apartment, I straightened my tie, unsure of what lay ahead. I knocked and when she answered, my jaw dropped. She looked wonderful. Not that she was Cordelia or anything, but she did look beautiful. My eyes dropped to her breasts. They were really nice.
"See, you're doing it again."
"I know," I admitted as I smiled at her, handing her the corsage I had bought for her. "You look beautiful."
A bright smile lit up her face. I guess being a powerful demon smiting men didn't allow Anya a lot of time to be a girl and do girl things and get complimented. "Thanks. You look nice too."
"Just nice? I don't even rate a handsome?"
Her smile widened and I couldn't help but think about how I used to be able to get Cordelia to smile like that at me. "You rate a very handsome."
**
As Anya and I sat down to eat at the nicest restaurant in Sunnydale that I could afford, I could tell she was nervous. It seemed odd to me. A pretty girl, nervous about a date with me. "So," I started, wanting to break the ice. "Since you hate men and all, I pretty much figure you don't go in for that Chivalry crap, huh?"
Anya shook her head. "No, of course not. It was just another attempt at making woman dependent on man. Just more oppression."
"Good. Then you'll be paying for your half of the bill, right?" I smiled at her to let her know that I was joking.
She smiled easily, but then fell back into her nervous state. "You know, since you brought it up..."
Suddenly, I realized that she was going to talk about her smiting of men in a very graphic manner. Why, God, why? I've been a good boy, except for the few thousand times I've had an impure thought and then followed it up with an impure act.
Tuning Anya out, I wondered how Buffy was doing with the demon puppy. Then, naturally, my thoughts drifted to Cordelia, wondering if she was off work yet, if she knew I had paid for her dress yet.
I couldn't wait to see how hot she looked in it.
**
I walked into the prom with Anya on my arm, happy that the music nearly drowned out her voice. I had just spent an hour listening, or rather, trying not to listen to her ramble on about wishes women made on their ex lovers. It wasn't pretty. Once during dinner, I thought I was going to lose the steak I had just consumed when she told me about the flesh eating virus.
As we passed Wesley and Giles, I just pointed to them in acknowledgement, then kept on walking, wishing that my date would quit doing that nervous talking thing.
We continued to circulate until I spotted Wesley making his way over to Cordelia. He crossed rooms for her. Cordelia deserved someone like that. I watched as both their faces lit up when they met.
God, Cordelia looked gorgeous. That didn't even sum up how she looked. She looked like sunrise on a spring day. She looked like Heaven, or at least the Heaven of my dreams. She and Wesley began to walk, so I steered Anya in their direction.
My heart started to beat a little faster as I neared them; half from my want of Cordelia and half from the pain of seeing her on Wesley's arm. All the while, Anya kept droning on.
"Cordelia, Wesley," I called to them, excited because Anya's finally shut up. "My God in Heaven, it's good to see you. How are you both? And details, please!"
"Very well, thank you," Wesley responded in his British, slightly confused way.
"Yes!" I look at Cordelia closer and for the first time I realized how much I truly loved her. "Thank you."
Her accentuated words leave no doubt as to what she was thanking me for. "Looks good on you," I said sincerely, wishing to convey everything in four words.
"Well, duh!" There was no menace in her voice. All of that bitter hate had faded away and all that I had to do was show her that someone actually cared about her. Had I known that, I would've done it a long time ago.
I gave her a little smile and began to walk away. It was then when I realized that I just wanted her to be happy. She deserved happiness. Maybe Wesley could be the one to give that to her, but maybe I could.
**
When they announced that Jack Maihu won for class clown, I huffed. What were those voters thinking? The guy was just goofy, not funny. "Please! Anyone can be a prop class clown. You know, none of the people who vote for these things are funny," I said to Anya.
My fury was short lived as I heard Jonathan begin to speak about Buffy. As I listened, my heart rate accelerated and I couldn't help the pride that swelled within me. I knew Buffy. She was my friend. And she was finally being honored in a way that she should have been.
**
While I was slow dancing with Anya, she said softly, "This isn't so bad." I smiled.
It wasn't. It felt nice to hold a female in my arms again. Even if she wasn't Cordelia. It was nice to be close to someone. Not close like I had been with Faith, but close, like I had been with Willow. As I slowly turn Anya while we danced, I caught sight of Wesley and Cordelia, dancing.
While my heart felt like it was being put in a vice, it also fluttered at seeing such a look on Cordelia's face. I hadn't seen her smile like that since before that night in the factory.
**
As I drove her home, Anya was for the most part quiet. She answered my questions about what she thought about the dance, but mainly she just stared out the window.
When we arrived at her apartment building, I got out and walked her to the door. "Thanks for asking me, Anya. I had a nice time."
"No, you didn't," she said, looking at her feet.
"No, I did. Especially when you stopped talking about men cannibalizing themselves." She began to respond, but I cut her off. "No, it was a joke. I had a good time, really."
She looked up with a smile. "Yeah? So did I." She unlocked her door and I prepared to leave, but she stopped me. "Do you want to come in? You know, I'm pretty old, so I don't have parents."
"Ahhh..." Was she asking me to... She couldn't have been asking me to.... "Uh, come in?"
She smiled. "Yeah, as in walk into my apartment and stay for a while."
"Anya, I really don't think..."
"Look, I've seen all those teen movies, I know what kids do after the prom and I've never done that."
"Done what?"
"What kids do after the prom."
"Look, I like you, but, um, I can't do that with you. It has nothing to do with you. It's just that, after my last experience of sleeping with a girl that I didn't know that well, I'd rather just wait."
Anya nodded. "Okay. Your loss."
I smiled as she stuck out her breasts. "I'm sure it is."
"You still love her. You should tell her." I stared at her. "Oh, please, Xander. It's not hard to figure out. Just take a piece of advice from an old man-smiting demon trapped in the form of an eighteen year old girl?" I nodded. "You're the only man I've dealt with to get this chance, Xander. Don't let it slip by. Even if you two are broken up for good, there are things you need to say; things she needs to say. You may never have this chance again."
"Thank you," I said sincerely. I leaned down and placed a kiss on her cheek. When I pulled back she had a surprised look on her face, accentuated with a large smile. "Good night."
**
I drove around for a little while, clearing my head. I had thought about going to one of the after parties, but I really didn't want to be around people. It was getting near dawn when I passed the park and spotted someone in a sparkly dress sitting on one of the swings.
I stopped the car and walked over to the swing set. Cordelia sat there, swinging only slightly, sobbing so loud she couldn't hear my approach. "Hey," I greeted gently.
She looked up, startled. Quickly wiping the tears away from her eyes and cheeks, she gave a little smile. "Hey."
"So," I said as I sat down in the swing next to hers. "What are you doing?"
She let out what sounded like half a laugh and half a sigh. "Crying on a swing in the dark in a prom dress."
"Oh." Yeah, great response. I'm sure she got great comfort out of that. "Why are you crying?" She shrugged. "You look beautiful, you know."
A smile swept across her face. "Thank you. You look really handsome." She paused for a moment and I was about to say thank you when she spoke again, this time her voice a little more shaky. "Thank you for the dress, Xander. I don't think... I don't think anyone's ever done anything like this for me."
"Well, you deserve good things, Cor."
She shook her head and some of her hair fell out from whatever kept it up. "I don't deserve it." Instinctively, I brushed the hair away from her face, allowing my fingers to linger on her cheek. "I've been nothing short of horrible to you."
"You had good reason." She shook her head again. "You did. Not that what you said didn't hurt, but I understand why you said that stuff."
Cordy was silent and I continued. "I know I hurt you. And I know you loved me. Buffy told me what you said to her on Homecoming night. Your love, coupled with the hurt I caused you gave you every right to be horrible to me."
"Maybe so," she answered, her voice a little rough with emotions. "But I didn't have to be horrible. I could've just let it all be."
"Cordy, stop being angry with yourself. We both did foolish things. We can't take them back."
I watched as tears began to roll down her cheeks once again. "Did you love me? Did you have any feelings for me?" she choked out.
"Yes. I loved you. I still love you with everything that I am. I can't explain why I did what I did with Willow. It's kind of like how when I was in the fifth grade I drank my father's Wild Turkey. It's not like it tasted any good, but I kept drinking it anyway. It was the thrill of doing something that could get me in a whole heap of trouble."
I paused, then gathered my courage and took one of Cordelia's hands in mine. "I should have learned in fifth grade to stop doing that."
"What happened?" she asked as she wiped the tears away with her free hand.
"My father found me and as punishment he made me finish the bottle. I ended up throwing up all over my mother's brand new white carpet. That started a fight. She and my dad started hitting each other and I tried to crawl into the other room so as to avoid getting hit too, but I was still too drunk. I remember my father kicking me in the stomach, which made me throw up again. But luckily, I passed out before my mother saw."
"Oh, God, Xander. I'm sorry."
I waved off her concern. "It was a long time ago. They've mellowed since then. Now I only get hit on special occasions like my birthday."
"Xander," she started, her voice filled with concern and tenderness.
I stopped anything that she was going to say. I tightened my hold on her hand a little. "Is that one of the things the town knows about, Cor?"
She was still for a moment before nodding her head. "Sort of. I remember when I was six and you and I were kind of, sort of friends, my parents told me that I couldn't go to your birthday party because of your parents."
"Ah. So that's why most of the kids stopped playing with me when we made it to the first grade." I ran my free hand through my hair. "Suddenly my life makes more sense now."
"I'm sorry, Xander. About earlier."
"Don't be. I know you, Cor. I know you didn't mean it. I'm sorry for getting so angry and for scaring and hurting you."
"You didn't." The way she said it made me believe it.
"Cordy, I miss you." I hadn't planned on saying that, it just popped out, so I went with it. "I miss everything about you."
Her hand tightened on mine. "I miss you too." Then, I did what I had wanted to do all night. I leaned in and captured her lips with mine. It was a kiss like you see in the movies. It started out slow and stayed slow. There was no rush to it. There was no urgency to it. It was just a slow, passionate kiss between two people who loved each other. She pulled back, her fingers moving to trace over her lips.
I saw her eyes begin to water again. "What? What's wrong?"
She shook her head. "I'm kind of with Wesley now, Xander."
"Then why aren't you with him right now?"
"Because he's thirty-two, British, and very proper." She looked down at her feet as her hands grasped the chains of the swing. "I really like him, Xander."
I shook my head, my heart and hopes crumbling. Keeping my voice light with just simple curiosity, I asked, "What do you see in him?"
She smiled and shrugged. "I don't know. Just like with you, I can't put my finger on what I see in him." She shrugged again. "Maybe it's because just like you, he can look past all the crap and see me, really see me and who I am."
"Are you happy with him?"
She nodded. "I mean, we haven't done much in the way of dating yet, but I feel good when I'm with him. He makes me feel like I'm this incredible thing. He has all these little smiles reserved just for me."
"I know," I said, not able to keep the sadness from my voice. "I've seen them."
"Xander?" I looked up at her. "I want to be your friend."
"You do?"
Nodding, Cordelia smiled. "I don't want to live in a world where I can't talk to you anymore. I've lived like that for too long. When we were going out, you were my best friend. It was nice. And then when... I didn't only lose my boyfriend, I lost my best friend too."
Friends. I didn't just want to be her friend. I wanted to wake up in the morning and have her be the first thing I saw. I wanted to eat my meals with her and touch her and kiss her and just simply feel her. But she was with Wesley now.
Maybe in time the age difference between the two will have a negative effect. Maybe it'll be me she comes to when she's crying over him. Somehow, that's comforting. I don't want her to go to anyone else.
I had faith that someday she and I would be together, the way we were meant to be.
I held out my hand. "Friends." The most beautiful smile I had ever seen graced Cordelia's face as she took my hand in hers.
"Friends," she repeated.
God, I loved her.
~**~
The End